Hi guys long time no see, this is a little bit of an impromptu post. I was just sitting here getting on with uni work and suddenly got the motivation to write a blog post, mainly because writing my blog is like my own little time of therapy, and i felt that by writing all my thoughts out would give me some clarity but also maybe help anybody else who's reading this, even if its not to feel alone.

On my last anxiety post i spoke about how grateful i was to experience something that makes me stronger, that makes me push harder for my dreams and really makes me who i am today, And while i try to stay positive about the whole thing i wanted to share my experience over the last few months.

In september i started uni, as I'm sure your all aware. Its honestly one of the best experience I've ever had, i feel so lucky that i can genuinely drive home each night and feel like I've learnt an amazing skill every single day. Im lucky that it doesn't feel like a drag, i love every second of it and I've met the most amazing people. People that you can honestly see being apart of your life in 40 years time. They truly do feel like real friends.
I didn't expect the first few months of uni to be such an easy ride; Obviously theres the normal, being in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and then there was the hours commute which included the motorway... for a very nervous driver and someone who deals with anxiety you could imagine how troubling this all could have been. But for the whole of September through till the christmas break i never once had a panic attack. I almost felt cured.

So then came January. Overall January has probably been the best month of my life, i've been given opportunities, made decisions that I'm so proud and grateful for. I feel so excited for life and feel like i could be living on cloud nine half the time.... I've got so many exciting things that i can announce in the very near future and can't wait to share with you all. However, about 2 weeks ago  my panic attacks started again, i felt like i completely lost control, its disheartening when you've done so well to manage them and not have them for months. Since then i haven't really been sleeping very well, i feel anxious every minute of the day, with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, worried that  something bad is going to happen. I haven't really liked leaving my house, if i can avoid leaving i will!  I've even woken myself up to having a panic attack in the middle of the night. Part of me felt so angry with myself because everything else is literally going so well, i genuinely love my life at the moment! I had to remind myself that sometimes its okay not to be okay, there doesn't need to be a massive underlying cause or anything disastrous to be happening for you to feel a little shit sometimes. We are all human and sometimes that means dealing with unexplainable emotions! However, i also need take a little bit more time out for me and stay in tune with myself so hopefully in the future i can cope better through bad patches.  Ive also really learnt that part of my anxiety is about achieving perfectionism, I generally worry too much about what people think about me, put way to much pressure on myself to do well. Obviously its important to try your best but i get stressed out or worried at the smallest things! If somethings not perfect I'm very hard on myself!
After seeing Blogger's Maddie Bruce's insta stories yesterday about her therapist making her do one wrong thing in a day, hers was to go to the supermarket wearing her slippers, i felt inspired to really challenge myself to stop being a perfectionist all the time! My first challenge is writing this blog post without re-reading it and uploading it straight up without checking...for all of you too see my terrible grammar and my nonsense ramble! I definitely want to challenge myself every single time i start to feel too pressured by myself to do one wrong thing in a day just to break out of the perfectionist phase. The other thing I'm going to start working on, is giving myself a little bit more me time. Even if its just reading a book in the evening, just something where i can relax and stop thinking about everything i need to do for the whole month! I definitely tend to worry about things that are way in to the future rather then focusing on the 'here and now' as much as i despise that phrase, i really must just focus and revaluate every so often whats important, can i worry about what i'm currently worrying about a bit later on? And if i don't get a certain job done, is it really the end of the world?
If your struggling with anxiety at the moment, remember your not alone and just take time out for you! For anyone who also struggles with perfectionism and decides to do one thing wrong in a day i'd love to hear what you've done.

I hope this blog post helps, and remember its okay not to be okay!
Also if any of you guys have any tips on what helps you, I'd love to hear them!
                Lots of Love Liv x